Ava The One Formerly Known as Miwa

It turned out the way I thought it would at first. The conversation was filled with empty promises without proof of concept and without a proper apology. As I suspected he knew nothing of who I was before this disease took over my life, he didn't know my last name nor my home plane.Couldn't even tell which of my parents was the human. The loathsome unwanted donor that tainted my mother's nobility and made her hate my very existence. I can still feel her hands on my neck sometimes. The point with which she tried to choke out the life from my lungs before discarding me into the wastes where I contracted this disease that "metallized" several parts of my body.. 

It was that very toxin which dictated my existence.. There isn't a point in feeling sorry for that version now.. The old me's dead and buried with that offering. I took Natasha's offer in the hope that maybe.. I could be something that people wouldn't pity anymore, I cast aside my weaknesses and gave into my strengths.. Devouring my childhood and growing into a woman, that part of me that was human was torn away, giving me now just my mother's Drow nobility. I was happy for a moment, I felt strong and like nothing could hurt me anymore. Then I looked at his face and it still stung.. I couldn't read it. Was it pain? Disgust? Anger? I still don't know.. 

I left Varrin what he wanted, the bow to complete his set and returned to Roland, the abyssal creature who gave me shelter, and was greeted with him putting down his sending stone and engaging me verbally. I told him my new name and he simply accepted it. Admittedly surprising to me at the time was how I felt a sense of pride creep up on his face. I became something that was not easily devoured.. I felt a part of Natasha's life meshed in an array of emotions with mine. Soothing my heart to know there was someone kindred in my feelings. She gave me a way to absorb the poisons that flowed within me. I was shared five years of her time with Merlin.

I watched their love life and felt its impact on her, it taught me a very valuable lesson.. love hurts.. I knew what had happened to her child after she was sealed and shared with her the location of the child's grave.. as well as the location of her descendants so she may go and see them in time. She was sent to Dalozon by Merlin, the child's father, and adopted into a noble elven family under the condition she was to keep her last name. Eventually growing up and going on to join the four heroes that stopped an elder dragon named Versa. Her family name, the Majini.. they now rule as the royal family within the very kingdom she was raised within. I could see on the mother's face a sense of pride her child turned out okay.. but a fierce desire for revenge on losing out the chance to be apart of that child's life. 

Her name was supposed to be Ava.. the name given to me. Feeling how it felt to fall in love with another made my heart ache for that feeling. How it felt to love a "soulmate" how it felt to love a child of my own as a mother should... I know I could have one if I so chose, that part of me still works as my doctor has stated but.. would they come out a monster like me? 

Would they live long at all or succumb to the array of toxins in my body. That would undoubtedly transfer to them? I'd rather not stress about it too much. For now I wanted to focus on getting this body figured out a bit more in terms of its efficiency. More poisons to absorb. More venom to ingest.. I need more. 

In the case of Roland, I finally figured out what exactly he was.. I watched his discussion with a traitor in his group shortly after having come home. I watched him lick a piece of the person away from his shoulder.. his desire to resist him. He.. ate it.. then started to eat away at the man's desires piece by piece. His maw burying and phasing itself within the body of the human. Yet no blood came forth, merely the energy of the person went down with each desire devoured..

The man sunk to the floor, with his desire to live crystallized within the palm of Rolands hand... It looked like a gummy.. Curiosity was a hellish torture as I wondered what it tasted like. We left for the spelljammer after this, Roland popping the little gem into his maw and crunching it like some kind of candy. I couldn't help but wonder if he's ever done that to me and if I even would remember if he did.

Grabbing more comfortable clothes, I went to get some testing done with my doctor. He's an older elven man, infected by an illithid tadpole. Due to some mutagenic injections he couldn't be fully transformed into a Mind flayer but maintained a variant of the psionic qualities.. It was interesting to hear him talk of his condition while he diagnosed mine but I digress. He prepared a herbal bath for me, alongside a few vials and needles to inject myself at my leisure with several new poisons. Wyvern Venom was a big one. Alongside a vial of midnight tears to also ingest. I can hear Varrin in the main hall giving hell to Roland about something alongside a large group. Likely the ones with him earlier back on Crannog. The apothecary with them may have a few vials of stuff I might be missing.. hmm..

I'll let you go for now journal so you can return to where you came from. Best of luck and thank you for letting me vent.